LATEST ARTICLES

Love solving problems together

How to Solve Problems Together

Healthy families, and couples, know that everyone, and every family, has problems. We want to live in a society that tries to force us to believe that only bad people have problems. The reality is that we all have issues that we have to deal with and solve if we are to be functional and healthy. When one member of the family has a problem, it is critical to know that it is something that affects the entire family. If you really want to solve things it is going to take a joint effort by everyone concerned to resolve things. Here...
Crystal ball to life's purpose

What is my Purpose in Life?

Sometimes, we notice that we are lacking something in our lives. Our goals seems elusive and we feel stuck without.  Like all people, we want to live a life with meaning and purpose. How do we find the answers we are looking for? Finding Clues Interestingly enough, we can discover clues as to what our purpose might by examining our problems. As hard as it is to believe, difficulties actually serve an important purpose in our lives. By looking at the absence of meaning, we can infer our true calling. Our Legacy We may not want the problems we have in our lives....
stop sign assertive

How Do I Become More Assertive?

Establishing limits on what you will allow from others behaviors is rarely discussed or understood much in interpersonal relationships. However, this is one of the more important subjects that needs to be understood in order for you to develop a more refined “definition of yourself” in the world as an assertive individual. Defining Limits And Boundaries Limits and boundaries are “lines” that we “draw in the sand” which defines how far you will allow others to go in relating to you. The problem in relationships is that many of our personal boundaries are violated, blurred, or not well defined. All this...
Trauma and Crisis in a Marriage

Is My Past Trauma Causing Issues in My Marriage?

We have a tendency to believe that our marriage will “always be there” and never be in crisis. We also realize that all relationships have their ups and downs, and this helps prepare us for difficulties down the road. However, when a significant crisis or traumatic event happens, the stability of any relationship can be put in jeopardy. Understanding a few key concepts can help us to “manage” these difficult times in healthier ways. Is it a Crisis? A crisis can happen when we experience a loss in our family, a loss of a job, the death of an important family...
relationship fight conflict

How Do I Deal with Relationship Conflict?

Healthy families, and couples, know that everyone, and every family, has problems. We want to live in a society that tries to force us to believe that only bad people have problems. The reality is that we all have issues that we have to deal with and solve if we are to be functional and healthy. When one member of the family has a problem, it is critical to know that it is something that affects the entire family. We end up getting defensive, avoid dealing with conflict or possibly create more problems by trying to fix it. This happens more...
Metaphor stress anxiety

The Double-Edge Sword of Anxiety and Panic

It can be very difficult to control one's anxiety. Often, this comes from two surprisingly positive aspects of personality: Intuitive awareness, and Vivid creativity. Intuitive Awareness Anxious people tend to possess a "special intuitive awareness" of the world around them. It is an ability to sense what others may be feeling, even without words. Often there is a concern for not wanting to offend others, holding in feelings, and an awareness of what is going on at "multiple levels of consciousness." Anxious people tend to believe that they are "over-reacting" to what they sense from others. As a result, there is a further incentive...

Midlife Crisis – What Are the Signs?

We all have heard about someone having a midlife crisis. Yet we rarely recognize it when it happens to us. Early in our life, we have many hopes and desires about how we want our lives to turn out. We sometimes plan, or just live, expecting that someday we will arrive and have it. Unfortunately, we often live our life as such a fast pace that we end up in crisis. Midlife Crisis in Action By the time we arrive at adulthood, we desire to experience it all. At first, we experience the fun of arriving at adulthood, wanting to live...
Football Players

How Depression and Fear Affect Men

The psychology of men is hard for both men and women to understand. Some women think that men are chronically intense, angry and controlling. Men insist that they have no idea why women think that they are always intense angry or controlling in interactions. Men feel misunderstood in their efforts to be helpful. Why Men Are Misunderstood Men rarely discuss feelings with other men, let alone women. Men are taught that competition, work, sports, winning are all they should talk about. Men are told early in their lives that "boys don’t cry, and boys are tough." Men are expected to "just know" and as...
girl walking on side of road

How Do I Change?

In order to change from old habits of codependent behavior, you will need to abide by the Three Meta-Rules of Change.  These rules are the "rules about rules" that should govern any approach towards dealing with codependency and maximizing your impact on self-change. These rules allow you to gain self-respect, which is a way of being true to yourself. It allows you to focus on where you want to be at, and what changes you want to make, in life. 1. Respect Others The ability to accept diversity of opinion and feelings. Understand how your behaviors affects others. Know that there is...
Depression Decision Aid

Which Antidepressant Should I Use?

One of the most difficult issues in dealing with depression is the issue of medications and potential side effects.  Antidepressants can have different effects on sleep, changes in weight, sexual functioning, and in how they impact you when you stop taking them. Some prescriptions are more expensive than others, which can mean a higher insurance copay.  Some have fancy names with commercials that suggest they can cure you without any fuss.  Add to this the myriad of different choices, different mechanisms of action (SSRI, SNRI, Tricyclic, and so on) and multiple (brand vs. generic) names, and it's enough to tear...