Home Challenging Codependency

Challenging Codependency

Codependency is defined as being in a relationship where you do all the work and suffer all the consequences. Meanwhile, the other person does not grow or change, others don’t even notice all that you do, or appreciate it, and you end up worn out, exhausted, blamed, and torn apart. While others have significant flaws which we can easily point out, our contribution to the “dance of chaos” is more difficult to identify as what it really ends up being… part of the original problem! We learn how to be codependent from our childhood, our family of origin, and our life experiences; learning a new way to become “unstuck” is critical to our survival as an intact and whole person, capable of relating to others in a responsible and mature manner.

People gathering around a table to work

The Myths of Human Behavior

Codependency is a difficult thing. It influences our point of view and affects our feelings of how others react. As full-fledged "adult children", we often are confused and dismayed by the behaviors of other people. Here are eight of the more common myths that we, as codependent individuals, tend to believe. 1. We believe that people will do what they say.  The reality is that most people are caught up in their own lives and reality, and words often do not reflect their intent. 2. We believe that other people think and feel like we do.  As a result, we feel...

Am I Codependent?

Counselors, therapists and psychologists frequently talk about co-dependent relationships as something that is not healthy. Understanding dysfunctional relationships requires that we examine how we approach relating to other people who are important to us. Codpendencey Defined Codependency is best understood as a relationship where you do all the work, suffer all the consequences, the other person does not grow or change, others don’t even notice all you do, or appreciate it, and you end up WORN-OUT, EXHAUSTED, AND POOPED!! – Blamed! Co-dependent relating is one where there is TOO MUCH CARING AND HELPING. Helping others is fine. However, if we try to...
Upside-Down House

Adults Who Grew Up in Dysfunctional Families

Therapists have long known that when we have grown up in unstable, disruptive, and dysfunctional families end up having similar characteristics. As a result, they end up having traits that can directly affect their potential for having full and enjoyable lives. Originally, the research was focused on alcohol as the only dysfunction in the family (thus, Adult Children of Alcoholics, or ACOA). In recent years, the understanding of dysfunction in the family has extended beyond alcohol to the point that the new trend is to refer to those that grew up in such circumstances as Adult Children. It doesn't matter if the dysfunction in the family...
tree in background scene

Do Not Stop Until You Have the Answer

The philosophy of Star Trek can be far reaching and profound. In many ways, through the inspiration of a story we can often learn more about ourselves and the world around us. Oddly enough, it can also introduce us to concepts that help us battle our own codependency. "Perhaps the key to understanding your experience is to stop looking into other sources for a meaning. When we look at Michaelangelo's David or Symnay's Tomb and we don't ask what does this mean to other people. The real question is, what does it mean to us? Explore this image, Data. Let...