Codependency is a difficult thing. It influences our point of view and affects our feelings of how others react. As full-fledged “adult children”, we often are confused and dismayed by the behaviors of other people. Here are eight of the more common myths that we, as codependent individuals, tend to believe.
1. We believe that people will do what they say. The reality is that most people are caught up in their own lives and reality, and words often do not reflect their intent.
2. We believe that other people think and feel like we do. As a result, we feel hurt and misunderstood when they act and react differently than we were expecting.
3. We believe that other people will follow through with what they promise to do. This often happens because we forget to look past the words of others to what we are observing in their past and present behavior. See the pattern of the relationship as it develops over days, months, and minutes. Watch for the subtle clues and be ready to accept them as facts.
4. We believe that other people feel the same guilt, anxiety, and concern that we feel in similar situations. This eager state of being assumes that others have gone through the same types of “growing” experiences that we have had, when in fact many people are just struggling to emotionally survive day-by-day.
5. We believe that being nice to others will help them make changes, come through, or accept us. We ignore patterns because in our codependent, overly-helpful ways, we secretly hope that we can “change them” over time or help them to become better people.
6. We believe that the more we do for others, the more they will do for us. In reality, many times people are not thinking beyond their own line of sight. It’s often nothing personal, but it is an unfortunate reality that we often ignore because it just “feels wrong”.
7. We believe that people do not have secret motives, desires, or just want their needs met. Don’t get caught up in trying to understand other people from your own needs, desires and wants.
8. We believe that if we love other people enough, everything else will be OK. This happens when we get caught up with our own needs to be loved and accepted by others.
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