stadium alone

Why Do I Keep Choosing the Wrong Person?

We sometimes wonder why we get ourselves into difficult relationships that “turn out bad” when they seemed so “promising” at the beginning. Sometimes we notice ourselves continuing to “pick the wrong ones” over and over again and cannot figure out what is happening. Many times we attribute it to the other person and think that there are so many “wrong people out there” that we just better “stay away” or “put up with it.” Modeling of our Family Much as we might had to admit it, much of what we learn about life, and relationships, we learned from observing and interacting...
codependent

The Real Impact of Chronic Pain

Having chronic pain affects self-image, relationships and interrupts life plans. It constricts physical and emotional abilities. It's frequently not understood or accepted by many people. Often, the person with chronic pain can be judged harshly. Many report feeling angry that the pain and fatigue hinders them from the things they love to do. Since the symptoms of chronic pain tends to change from day to day, family members and friends sometimes struggle with understanding how their loved one can be so impaired one day and are able to do things the next day. They may say, I thought you were...
cropped grumpy cat

How Invisible Scripts Can Ruin Your Life

Let me tell you a little about how having “invisible scripts” can really mess up your life. The Nutty Professional Way back in the day, I was a young 25 year-old crisis counselor in Tacoma, Washington. One of the things they don’t tell you when you’re starting out in any field is that the new guy gets all of the grunt work. As a new graduate, I was working evenings, nights and weekends and flying LITERALLY by the seat of my pants. My job was to...
road closed

The Unexpected Cost of Your Priorities

We all have priorities in life. When it comes to our emotions, there are basically four priorities that we tend to choose in life. However, it may surprise you that they all have unexpected consequences. What you end up doing will make others feel things that you cannot control.  You’ll also end up paying a price by focusing on what you want out of life, because you can’t have it all.  And ironically, you will have an Achilles’ Heel where you are the most vulnerable.  Seeking Comfort
archery board

How Do I Get Out of My Own Way?

It's often a mystery to us why we get trapped in doing things that keep us “stuck” in life. Some call it self-defeating behavior. Others call it self-sabotage. Regardless of the terms we use to describe it, it means that we are acting in a way that is keeping us from finding real meaning and value in our lives. The Responsibility of Not Being a Victim You create your own experience through the choices you make on a daily basis. In order to avoid being a victim, you have to admit that once you realize you are doing things that are...
sad puppy dog

How Do I Improve my Life with CBT?

The theory behind Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is that the way that people perceive situations is more closely connected to their reaction than the situation itself. When people are in psychological distress, they often are not seeing situations very clearly. Simply put, a therapist's job when using CBT is to help clients identify the thoughts that pop up into their minds, evaluate, and respond to them. The assumption is that when clients are able to do this, they feel better and can act in accordance with their goals. One critical component underlying all aspects of CBT is that just...
old phone rotary communication

How Do I Improve My Communication Skills With My Partner?

Learning to communicate together takes practice and time. You have to agree to work on it together and use several important steps. Understanding these important steps will help improve communication between you and your partner. Allow for Alone Time Do not try to communicate with your mate immediately upon their coming home. Give each other some time and space initially. Don't try to solve all your problems at one time. Know that it is fine for you and your mate to have time alone. Some time alone is necessary to wind down from work. This time alone though should not...
Artistic drawing of woman dealing with stress and worry

How to Recover and Get Rid of Repetitive Anxiety, Uncontrollable Worry, and the Uncertainty...

Anxiety controls and dominates us. Even the most rational person can become its victim. It affects our quality of life, limits our achievements and complicates our existing relationships. About 30% us will deal with an anxiety disorder at some point in our lives. Imagine if you could learn the real truth about anxiety: How being intolerant of uncertainty in your life actually increases your anxiety -- rather than reduces itThe real reason worrying about worry feels productiveWhy we create more problems than we solve when looking for "perfect solutions"How distracting ourselves...
dysfunctional family cat

Why Do People Who Come From Dysfunctional Families Have More Interpersonal Problems?

Have you ever felt that... ...other people don’t understand you? ...other people "have it out" for you? ...you have to “protect yourself” from others? ...others are just not as accepting of you? ...you have to defend yourself from other people? The answers to these and many other questions are critical to your having a long-term happy life.  Understanding a few issues might be of some help. The challenge for you will be to read this material and learn ways of applying it in your everyday life without blaming or excuses.
cropped happiness self help

How Can I Find and Keep Happiness in my Life?

Happiness is essentially a byproduct of our search in life. When we make it our goal, it becomes elusive, ethereal and unattainable. We all struggle in life wondering when we will feel better, happier, more comfortable, in less pain, or having fewer worries. Many times, we feel that the answers do not seem to be forthcoming in our lives and we end up wondering if we will ever find it.  However, we sre more stressed when we focus on problems and this only makes us have more physical problems and sadness.  Understanding a few key points regarding...