flower broken glass window

Perfectionism: The Stress Personality

Stress, burn-out, and coping requires that we come to understand our own perfectionistic traits. Perfectionism forces us to take on too much, to be impatient, angry, hostile, and competitive. We feel that we must have things done a certain way. It drives us to work all the time, making it difficult to relax and have fun and relationships. A hard driving perfectionist demands more of others and of himself/herself. Perfectionism can be a deadly trait in the workplace, especially if the perfectionist is the boss. A ten year study of 9,000 managers found that perfectionism makes you sick. Perfectionism...
empty glass jar

Learning to Endure Conflict, Tension & Emptiness

One of the most important things that human beings can learn to do in life is to endure the hard times. This is not always easy because we are always hoping that things will be comfortable, easy or enjoyable. Other times, we just want to have something to keep us busy.  The reality of life is that these things do not always happen. As a result, it is important to think about a few issues as part of learning how to survive. Comfort Seekers We are all comfort seekers in life. We enter life as babies and hope that we can become...
Signs of choice

How Do I Become Less Codependent?

If you want to change, you have to commit yourself to a personal changing plan. If you find things that get in your way ("blocks"), you have to do anything to understand why the blocks keep happening. However, you must look inside of yourself, not others, to find the answer. The following "laws of change" are designed to help you slowly grow out of codependent thinking patterns. They will allow you to enjoy life and "start living in the real world." 1. The Law of Personal Responsibility Stop looking to others for help, blaming them for problems, and look to yourself...
sleep dog worry

How Do I Sleep when Worrying Keeps Me Awake?

Obsessions and worries can keep one tense, anxious, upset, and unable to stop one from thinking. Most anxious person are aware that their thoughts are irrational but feel unable to stop themselves. Here are a few ideas that might prove helpful in overcoming these difficult times and being able to sleep better. Worrying As An Inherited Habit Worrying robs us of being able to live in the present moment of life. Life gets focused on trying to control the future in some way while worrying that the worse things will happen. Many worriers say that they come from a family of worriers who...
tree in background scene

Do Not Stop Until You Have the Answer

The philosophy of Star Trek can be far reaching and profound. In many ways, through the inspiration of a story we can often learn more about ourselves and the world around us. Oddly enough, it can also introduce us to concepts that help us battle our own codependency. "Perhaps the key to understanding your experience is to stop looking into other sources for a meaning. When we look at Michaelangelo's David or Symnay's Tomb and we don't ask what does this mean to other people. The real question is, what does it mean to us? Explore this image, Data. Let...
Football Players

How Depression and Fear Affect Men

The psychology of men is hard for both men and women to understand. Some women think that men are chronically intense, angry and controlling. Men insist that they have no idea why women think that they are always intense angry or controlling in interactions. Men feel misunderstood in their efforts to be helpful. Why Men Are Misunderstood Men rarely discuss feelings with other men, let alone women. Men are taught that competition, work, sports, winning are all they should talk about. Men are told early in their lives that "boys don’t cry, and boys are tough." Men are expected to "just know" and as...
david biofeedback

How Can Biofeedback Help Manage my Stress?

Biofeedback is a fancy way of saying that we look for signals from our biology in order to tell us how relaxed or stressed we are. If we were as observant as Sherlock Holmes, we could possibly perform biofeedback by merely observing one's body language and responses. However, most of use aren't that keenly aware of the subtle differences in body language. To compensate for this, we use machines which can measure signals (heart rate, electrical signals, etc.) of our body and turn the results into visual feedback by numbers, sounds, gauges and other information. By learning how to control our physical...
stop sign assertive

How Do I Become More Assertive?

Establishing limits on what you will allow from others behaviors is rarely discussed or understood much in interpersonal relationships. However, this is one of the more important subjects that needs to be understood in order for you to develop a more refined “definition of yourself” in the world as an assertive individual. Defining Limits And Boundaries Limits and boundaries are “lines” that we “draw in the sand” which defines how far you will allow others to go in relating to you. The problem in relationships is that many of our personal boundaries are violated, blurred, or not well defined. All this...
tablets

The Best Way to Take Pain Medication

Over the years there has been a great deal of research and practical experience around the issue of how best to take one’s pain medication. Understanding a few issues might assist you with having the best response to your medications. Society and Medication We live in a society that has mixed feelings about the use of medications. On the one hand we "expect" that physicians should be able to prescribe medications that will provide quick and effective "magical cures" that will solve all our problems. In fact, the media, through television and news, is always talking about "new discoveries" for medications...
Pain, Change and Growth like a flower in the wilderness

How Do I Deal with Painful Feelings?

In our efforts to escape pain, loss, and suffering, we often miss the very happiness that we are searching for in life. When painful feelings get pushed to the side, we find ourselves falling apart, our relationships suffer, and often we just simply "shut down" in an attempt to avoid feeling, experiencing, and changing. Paradoxically, our attempts to "not feel" robs us of our own growth, which requires us to be vulnerable in the present moment. Irritability, anger, tension, outbursts of temper are common during times of stress and problems. Sometimes we end up dealing with things by getting divorced, falling...